I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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