i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
