Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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