my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
