i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
