Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
