My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
