how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
