you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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