i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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