im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
