what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
