i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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