Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
