Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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