no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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