I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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