i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
