I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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