11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
