is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
