you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
