Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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