I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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