Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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