I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
