Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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