I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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