Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
