Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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