Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
