i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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