He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
