quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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