Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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