grandma shit on top of the toilet
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
