I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
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Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
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So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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