I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
