i was born a porn star she said
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
