I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
