I wish my penis had an off switch
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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