I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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