First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
