All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
