i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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