They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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