So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
