The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
