Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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