You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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