How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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