opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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