Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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