I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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