I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
