I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
