dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
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I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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