ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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