Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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