I'm going to jail i love you
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
