he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Are my feet made of real feet?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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