I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
