I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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