im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
