i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize