Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
