it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
