shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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