Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
