Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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