Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
