i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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