I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
