i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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